Friday, July 20, 2012

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Team Summer!

I freaking love summer.

I know, shocking, right??

But seriously, this is a fairly new development for me.  Up until pretty recently, I was always on Team Winter.  I used to (stupidly) love the colder weather and shorter days.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME!!  But, the important thing is that I've now come to my senses and realized that I belong in warm weather, all the time, and if I never have to see the temperature dip below 25C ever again I would be one happy Momma.  I've actually been putting a lot of thought into this, trying to figure out what made me switch teams. I think having kids contributed to it; it's a lot easier to go anywhere without having to load up with everyone's coats and sweaters and boots and mitts and toques and scarves and OH MY GOD I am starting to feel anxious just thinking about it all.  I also started realizing winter kind of sucked when I had to start shoveling my own driveway.  Then, we started spending more time in Arizona, and I think that is what really solidified it for me - winter blows, and I clearly have no business living in Canada!  I have spent far too much time researching real estate in Scottsdale and if it wasn't such a giant pain in the ass to move to a different country, and if my husband could get a job down there that paid more that 10 bucks an hour, and if I didn't have to like, get a Visa and take a test about past presidents and wars and shit, and promise to be a good American and all of that jazz, I swear I would pack up everything and move there in a heartbeat, just to be able to be warm ALL THE TIME.

But, alas, here we are in the Great White North, and I guess that means I have to deal with winter.  And I know I can't complain; we've got it good up here.  It just means that I have every intention of taking full advantage of all things summer while the hot weather is here!

Things like the Slip 'N Slide:

And super-cute Maxi Dresses:

And celebrating good friends getting married:

And swimming as much as we possibly can:

And golfing:

And scootering around at 8:30pm in full sunshine, wearing pajamas, flip flops, and the coolest helmet ever:

And frequent, long trips to the playground:

And drinking delicious green vodka slush in the hot sun:

And EPIC temperatures:

And holidays with the family that end in everyone exhausted and happy; and trips to the beach that end with sand in horrible places; and barbecues with friends that end with tipsy goodbyes and promises to do it again soon; and heading down to Music in the Park with a blanket and some ice cream and enjoying the warm nights; and putting the sprinkler on the trampoline and kind of jump-sliding around on it; and sitting out on the patio until you realize you have no idea what time it is and didn't even notice that it had gotten dark; and bike rides and cold beer and ponytails and tank tops and no makeup and dark suntans and the smell of the kids' sunscreen and the fact that they are outside 90% of the time that they are awake.

Happy Summer, y'all.

And be sure to stop by anytime for a cold beer or a big fat glass of slushy vodka.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I need a new title.


"Hey, Mom, guess what? I have an itchy foot."

"Momma, I know what 30 plus 5 equals!"

"Mom, where do mushrooms grow?"

"Momma, can we go to the pool today?"

"Hey, Mom, watch this!!!!"

"You know what Mommy, I really love marshmallows."


"Mommmmmmmmmm!!! Please tell AJ to leave me alone!"

"Mommmmmmmmmm!!!  Please tell Mackenzie to let me play with her!"

"Mom, I can read this book you know, it's a super hard one.  Want to hear it?  Mom?  MOM?!?  WANT TO HEAR ME READ THIS BOOK??  MOM!!!"

"Mom!!  I need help wiping my bum!"

"Hey Momma, what are we doing today?"

"How many mosquito bites do I have, Mommy?"

"Momma, my Hot Wheels are all lined up in the McDonald's drive-thru."

"Momma, my Barbies are having a dance show."

"Let's listen to Drive By again, Mom!"

"I don't need clothes today, Momma, just my bathing suit!"

"Mom, did you know that the place with the most redheads is Scotland!"


Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.  All of the above took place within about 12 seconds of my kids waking up this morning.  I love being a mommy more than anything but I swear to God if I hear my name one more time I am going to either jump out the window, or get really really drunk, or make the kids give me a quarter every time they say any variation of the word MOM.

It's gonna be a long summer!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

This makes me feel better.

I'm sick.

I know, right?!  It's frickin' July.  Who gets sick in JULY?!

Since about 5:00 yesterday afternoon, I've felt like I got hit by a semi, and it's progressively gotten worse.  As I write this, I'm in head-to-toe fleece; my eyes are red, half-closed, and running; my head feels like it's going to explode; the simple act of swallowing my spit makes me want to cry; and I have a tissue shoved up each nostril.

For real, y'all, I am a total babe right now.

We were in Vancouver for the weekend.  At one point, we took the skytrain into the city.  I am totally blaming this bout of complete disgusting-ness on the stupid skytrain.  Even though I thoroughly drenched myself in hand sanitizer, clearly Bath and Body Works is no match for the dirty slimy crawling infestation of germs that is public transit.  **shudder**

Now, normally, I am a pretty good sick person.  I am pretty good at sucking it up.  This evening, however, I had zero interest in "sucking it up".  Shawn and his buddy headed out to a movie at 7:20, leaving me and my pile of snot rags to care for the kids, so I really can't say I was all that sad for him when he came back in the door at 7:45 and told me it was sold out.  I passed the little darlings off to him, and promptly crawled onto the couch with a giant fleece blanket (yep, more fleece, I look like a goddamn hypothermia victim), a big box of tissues, and my iPhone.

And I did what is guaranteed to make me feel better:  I headed over to YouTube.

Now, because I just feel selfish keeping this kind of awesomeness to myself, I would like to share with you my most favorite videos on YouTube.  These literally make me laugh so hard that I can't breathe, and then I start to choke and a little bit of pee comes out.  True story.  Maybe don't sit on my living room couch.  Or use my fleece blanket.

ANYWAY, I'm not going to post the link, because I have no clue if I am legally allowed to do that, and you know, I hardly have time to Google that information, and I REALLY don't have time to get involved in some sort of crazy Internet legal battle over copyright laws, so you're just going to have to do the work yourself.  And trust me when I say, this shit is WORTH IT.  Here are the steps:

Go to YouTube.


You will see 4, 2-minute videos.

Watch them (#2 is the funniest).

Pee your pants.

You're welcome.