AJ: "Mom, will you lay with me before I go to sleep?"
Me: "Of course, buddy."
We climb in to his bed. Normally, we use this time to talk about our day, hockey, school, Pokemon, video games, cool new apps...if I only I knew the turn our conversation would take tonight.
AJ: "You know, it's always the Daddy who makes the baby."
Me: "Um. Really?"
AJ: "Yep. But how does he do it? How does a daddy make a baby so it gets to the mom's tummy?"
At this point, I'm thinking it's best that I pretend I'm asleep. So I start to fake-snore.
AJ: "MOM! YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING! I want to know how the daddy makes the baby!"
Sigh.
Me: "AJ, it takes a daddy AND a mommy to make a baby. The daddy doesn't do it by himself."
AJ: "Oh, he does."
Me: "Trust me, dude. He doesn't."
AJ: "Well, then, how?"
Jesus Murphy, where the hell is Shawn when I need him!?! Why is he NEVER around when these questions are randomly tossed out???
Me: "Um. Well, there's a special kind of loving that mommies and daddies do together, that make a baby. It starts out a teeny tiny little dot and grows into a baby in the mom's tummy. That's why her belly always gets so fat."
AJ: "And I know the babies look weird when they're in there." Touche, kid. They totally do. He continues: "Animals give birth, you know."
Not sure where he learned the term "give birth". But whatever.
Me: "People do too, buddy, that's how the baby gets out."
AJ: "But when animals give birth, the baby comes out of the mom's butt."
Oh for God's sake. I better clarify this before he scares his sister into severe constipation by telling her she might poop out a baby one day.
Me: "NO, IT DOES NOT."
AJ: "Well, not exactly her butt. It comes out of her private parts, and there is A LOT of blood!"
OK, never mind, clarification not needed, he's clearly schooled in the subject. And he's not finished yet: "It's a good thing people babies don't come out of private parts. They come out of tummies, and that is NOT a private part."
Then, as quick as it all started and before I could think of what to say, the conversation was over. He said he was tired of talking and fell asleep in about two seconds.
And I quietly left his bed, thankful that I had c-sections and have never had the need to explain that babies sometimes come out of va-jay-jays.
Whew.
Hopefully it's another 5 years before this topic comes up again.
I need a glass of wine.
No comments:
Post a Comment