You ever have those times when you're like, ugh, oh my God, my life sucks, I'm so busy, there's not enough time in the day, my kids are being jerks, this house is a mess, my husband doesn't help me, I'm so fat, blah blah blah...
I am SO in the midst of one of those right now.
I've mentioned my lack of the sympathy gene before, and the truth is, that extends to myself too. I'm not one to sit around and feel sorry for myself for long. So, I know that I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get the F over it.
But before I do that, I am going to bitch about it to you for awhile. You're welcome.
School is BANANAS right now. Absolutely mother effing bananas. Classes three days a week, then two full days of practicum. Classes are busy and only going to get busier with projects and exams on the horizon. My two days of practicum have been a hugely eye opening experience - it's been a huge learning curve for me. It's work. And my school schedule does not allow me to be at my kids' school nearly as much as I'd like, and I have to miss one of my son's twice-weekly hockey practices because of class, and I don't have as much of my own social time as I would normally like, and I do feel like I'm missing out.
I am SUCH a fat mess right now that I want to take my fancy little bathroom scale and throw it through a window. I am so pissed off at that thing. THE NUMBER NEVER CHANGES. What the hell, scale?? Remember that time we used to be friends? And I could take a couple detox days where all I consumed was fruit, water and Hydroxycut and you would drop by like, 5 pounds just like that? WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE DAYS!? Is it because I'm getting old? Is it because sometimes I sneak into McDonalds, or eat the leftovers out of my kids lunches? Is it because I started eating vegetables too late in life so you are punishing me? Or are you just broken? Need new batteries? Come on, scale. Tell me what's wrong. Let's be friends again!
Home life is crazy town. I am so busy with school, and so damn tired by the end of the week, that keeping up with laundry and housework is becoming a bit of a struggle. I have found the good sense to at least start meal planning, so we're not having cereal three nights a week like we did last semester, but this weekend I'll be lucky to get away with *only* six loads of laundry. Sigh.
And now, for the "getting the F over it" part...a little perspective:
There are only 85 days left in my semester, and that's it - then I will be finished school.
The things I am learning in my practicum will be priceless when it comes to getting a job.
When the semester finishes, I will still have two and a half months to be at my kids school as much as I want. And you know what? I'm actually OK with having to sit in a freezing cold hockey arena to watch a bunch of 6-year-olds "play hockey" only once a week instead of twice.
I might not have a lot of social time right now, but my friends are amazing. They have been so supportive and so helpful with everything, whether it's looking after my kids when I'm at school, or taking them off my hands for a few hours so I can study, or even mixing me a couple vodka sodas when I show up at their houses on a Friday afternoon after a totally insane week.
I am a size 8. Last I checked, that hardly qualifies as a "fat mess." And guess what: I'll never stop eating at McDonalds. Never. So suck it, scale.
I have time to sit and update this blog - so obviously the laundry mountain isn't worrying me THAT much.
My husband is a pretty good dude. He picks up the slack when I need him to (even if he has no concept of "sticking to the list" when I send him to the grocery store).
My kids are bright, healthy, happy, well-adjusted little beings.
I am very, very lucky.
Sometimes, I just need to remind myself of that.